Author: Lisa Graas
•10/18/2003 11:50:00 AM
I read the book. I see the show. I go down to the road and look both ways, not knowing where to go.

It doesn't do any good to look elsewhere, they said. Just look inside yourself, they said. In there, there is no one to blame, but I know better.

So I turn right, hoping to find the way because that way seems the most logical. I approach a light and I am glad. I found Him at last.

Now I have direction in my life. Or do I? This is when the road became rough. This is when I was given enough to sustain me, but no more. There was more in store for me than I could have guessed. There would be a test, now that I had found Him.

My thorn was placed in my mind. It was the kind that they call Bipolar Disorder. Disorder. My whole life became disordered. But I would not fall, though I fell in everything else; I would not fall in my faith. And this, I've found, is the basis for my life. It is why I live -- to know, love and serve Him. He is the reason I know anything. He is the reason I love and the One to whom service is owed. And I serve Him by serving those whom I consider least in the Kingdom. That is my quest. That is how I fulfill the test which He has given me.

He bids me to do His will while I am still in sickness. No easy task, but that is His will. I did not ask for this.......to climb this great hill, but do it I must, and I will with His help.

Four children to care for. I'm the one who is there for them in my sickness or my health. Enclosed in my heart is a wealth of love for them. How I long to care for them in good health. Most of the time, the choice is not mine to make, but if I let Him take from me what He will, I know that He supplies more than my eyes could take in. It is no sin to be sick, though some look upon me as sin incarnate. I have much more than fate to lean on. I have my Lord.

His will be done.
Author: Lisa Graas
•10/12/2003 11:04:00 PM
LIFE’S not our own,—’t is but a loan
To be repaid
~~~Charles Swain
Author: Lisa Graas
•10/12/2003 10:40:00 PM
Thanks so much to Wall of Fire for her comments about my most recent entry. I especially love the story about the need to shave. I'm with ya, sister. You can read her comments yourself by clicking HERE. As soon as I can, I'm going to put a permanent link to her blog, so watch for that. In the meantime, here's a link you can use now.
Author: Lisa Graas
•10/12/2003 09:56:00 PM
Today I was released from a psychiatric facility in Louisville. I had to spend the night there because I was suicidal. One night in that place seems to have kicked in a refreshing new desire to SURVIVE. What an awful place. Gee, I'm so glad to be home!!!

I realize now that I've taken for granted my ability to walk in and out of my home anytime I please. When you're behind the locked doors of a psychiatric facility, crammed in with several others who are either suicidal or (gulp) homicidal, you begin to realize how wonderful life on the outside world really is. My world no longer seems so overwhelming to me. My world is a world where I can lock my door at night to keep the homicidal maniacs away from me and not one where there may be one sleeping in the next (unlocked) room. My world is a world in which I can enjoy the luxury of shoelaces, razors, and strings in my sweatpants. My car keys are not locked away from me. I can enjoy a caffeinated drink, if I choose!! I don't have to listen to grown-ups telling me how truly awful their lives are and then looking to me, a stranger, for the answers. How sad. I don't have to listen to screaming by someone going through withdrawal in de-tox. I can take my medication just as my doctor prescribed it and not based on the whim of a confused nurse. Wow, it's good to be home.

If you feel suicidal, I strongly recommend that you do as I did. Check yourself into the best psychiatric facility available, and learn how truly wonderful life in the outside world is.

Take care.
Love from Lisa
Author: Lisa Graas
•10/12/2003 09:36:00 PM
CHECK OUT Thérèse - Official Site
Author: Lisa Graas
•10/09/2003 11:36:00 PM
Yahoo! Groups : Bipolar_Catholic
Check out the Bipolar Catholic group at Yahoo.
Love from Lisa