Author: Lisa Graas
•8/11/2003 01:04:00 PM
I'm pleased to share with you this brilliant poem by Diane Grejczyk.


well it seems it's that time again, been almost five years
and now even others can tell
that it's time once again for me to descend
into my private journey to hell.
"insanity", that's just a legal term,
or so that's what they say.
but that won't be consolation to me
when they want to put me away.......

try positive thinking, it's all in your head
you've no reason to cry or to whine;
but how do they know, they haven't been in my hell
with their sanity put on the line.....
just like people with sight who can say with such ease
there's no problem just go out and find
any book of your choice and then sit down and read,
to a person who's totally blind........

we all have our battles, i realize that,
you win most and lose just a few.
but you're kidding yourself if you think you can win
when the worst enemy in the world is you.......
"but feelings aren't facts", that's what dr. low says,
as my feelings he tries to berate.
i hope he remembers that good, sound advice
the next time he feels LOVE or HATE.........

in my bed are the demons and i fear the long night;
afraid that i'll wake up to find
that they crept right into my head while i slept
and ran away with my mind.
as hideous nightmares invade my sleep
with the force of a powerful flood,
i wake scared and shaking to sneak off alone
and wash off the sweat that was blood.

agony, anguish, anxiety, fear---------
the demons are winning the fight!
woke up this morning with tears in my eyes,
buried two of my children last night.......
psychoanalysis once every week---
it must work, it simply can't fail!
as i sit pouring my heart out to him,
the shrink listens while reading his mail.....

there's no rats on that ceiling, and nobody's here
at least that's what they all say....
but it doesn't make any difference you see
because they still don't go away......
i fear for myself and my children,
i fear for their very own lives;
so i go through the house and i start to hide
all the razors and scissors and knives.....

belongings all searched, sharp objects all gone,
i'm put in a room with no lock.
just a matter of time till the good doctor says,
"guess we'll just have to use shock".....
i lay there, i'm waiting, they're all looking down,
"ready now?" the nurse asks with a smile.
why are they going to electrocute me?
i'm not guilty, and i've had no trial........

where am i, what's happened, i ask as i wake
like lazarus back from the dead.
it's all over now, and you'll feel better soon,
wiping electrode jelly from my head.......
stelazine, compazine, thorazine first
then put in "low stimulus" too,
elavil, triavil, navane and MORE!
it's miraculous what they can do.

so where do i go now--what do i do?
all if can think of is pray,
that my personal demons go back into hell
so i can be on my way...
can i survive this cancer of my sanity?
only time will be able to tell,
but when i die i'm going to heaven.
i've already been to hell....................

Diane Dufty (Grejczyk) July, l980 and beyond..........