Author: Lisa Graas
•10/26/2004 02:00:00 PM
On the outside, I don't know what people see in me. I know what I see in myself. I see someone who is struggling to maintain sanity..........wondering what those muffled voices mean.......unable to process information without getting really angry about it. Just the idea that someone is making me use my thought-processing skills to formulate an answer to something is enough to throw me into a rage.....yet, I suppress it because I know deep down that it would be abnormal and unhealthy for me to do that. That, my dear friends, is grace in action, for without grace I would not be able to do it.

So, why am I doing this? Why am I going off my medication if I am having this reaction? Well, it's because with the medication, I cannot function. Without the medication, I am horrible to live with, but at least some of the time I can function. I can care for my family although I am a grump. It's better than lying in bed all day because of fatigue.

I don't suppose anyone is ever going to understand this unless they experience it, but it is like climbing a mountain. I know, because I've climbed one before -- literally. It's the same, but harder.

I have four small children. I have to putter on somehow. I have to make it. I have to survive -- for their sake.

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