Author: Lisa Graas
•11/14/2003 03:44:00 PM
So, where have I been? I just received an email asking that question, so I guess I had better check in and let everyone know that I'm okay. There have been no thoughts of suicide in quite some time. So, what's going on? Well, my husband and I just bought a new house together and we've been quite busy as we've been getting ready for the big move. This is an especially joyous occasion since my husband and I nearly divorced just a couple of months ago. I dare not get into all of those ugly details. I think it's enough to say that we've gotten past that and are trying to start a new life together. HOWEVER, I should note, since this is a blog about educating people about mental illness, that one of the things that was a source of strife for my husband and me has been my illness. It's not easy to live with someone who has bipolar disorder. We are cranky and demanding, at times, among other things. It gets in the way of a couple's ability to have a good relationship with each other. Mind you, he has his faults, too.......and bipolar disorder is not something that I can make go away if I just put forth enough effort. This doesn't seem to lessen the pain very much for my husband, and I suppose that I can see why. That's more than I wanted to say on this topic, but there it is.

The near divorce made me realize that I'm tired of being a victim. I'm a victim of so many things. You know, I think that if you are always thinking of yourself as a victim, you let the evil spirits win. So, I'm going to start thinking of myself as a survivor. I am someone who has battled many demons in order to get to the top of the mountain. That's what I am. A survivor. And I am still battling -- still trying to get to the top. Sometimes it seems that with every step I take, I slide back three. If I begin to think of myself as a victim, I will become one. If I think of myself as a survivor, well, I just might make it.

God bless you.

Love from Lisa
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