Author: Lisa Graas
•10/18/2003 11:50:00 AM
I read the book. I see the show. I go down to the road and look both ways, not knowing where to go.

It doesn't do any good to look elsewhere, they said. Just look inside yourself, they said. In there, there is no one to blame, but I know better.

So I turn right, hoping to find the way because that way seems the most logical. I approach a light and I am glad. I found Him at last.

Now I have direction in my life. Or do I? This is when the road became rough. This is when I was given enough to sustain me, but no more. There was more in store for me than I could have guessed. There would be a test, now that I had found Him.

My thorn was placed in my mind. It was the kind that they call Bipolar Disorder. Disorder. My whole life became disordered. But I would not fall, though I fell in everything else; I would not fall in my faith. And this, I've found, is the basis for my life. It is why I live -- to know, love and serve Him. He is the reason I know anything. He is the reason I love and the One to whom service is owed. And I serve Him by serving those whom I consider least in the Kingdom. That is my quest. That is how I fulfill the test which He has given me.

He bids me to do His will while I am still in sickness. No easy task, but that is His will. I did not ask for climb this great hill, but do it I must, and I will with His help.

Four children to care for. I'm the one who is there for them in my sickness or my health. Enclosed in my heart is a wealth of love for them. How I long to care for them in good health. Most of the time, the choice is not mine to make, but if I let Him take from me what He will, I know that He supplies more than my eyes could take in. It is no sin to be sick, though some look upon me as sin incarnate. I have much more than fate to lean on. I have my Lord.

His will be done.
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